I am not a talkative person so it is not likely for me to have conflicts with others. Unfortunately, I did have a conflict with one of my classmates and the problem is not solved yet. The conflict is between me and H, the sports committeeman in my senior high school.
Three years ago, my final year of senior high, there was a long-distance relay race in our school. Each class needed to have five male and five female athletes to participate. Since it was a long-distance race, each athlete needed to take a physical examination to make sure that their physical condition allowed them to participate in the race. Generally speaking, it is the sports committeeman’s responsibility to choose the athlete and take them to the physical examination. There happened to be a briefing session organized by a Netherlandish university in the afternoon of the physical examination day and H joined the session. H did not tell anyone about the physical examination before he left so no one knew about that.
Our head teacher went into the classroom at around 14:00 and asked me whether the physical examination had been finished. I told her H was not in the classroom and no one knew the physical examination. She asked me to call him back. I could feel her anger from her voice.
I went to the front door of the lecture theater, pointed to H and signaled him to go out. He shook his finger to show his rejection. I told him that he forgot the physical examination and the head teacher was in anger now by lip language. He seemed to notice the seriousness of the situation and entrusted me the responsibility for the physical examination.
After rushing back to the classroom, I gathered all the athletes and informed them to go with me for the physical examination. The head teacher came into the classroom again when we were about to go and asked me why the sports committeeman had not came back. I told her that he could not go back and I would replace him temporarily. The head teacher was in a rage and went to the lecture theater to call H back. H was criticized by the head teacher.
From then on, H never talked to me. I guess that he believed I snitched on him and made him criticized. I tried to negotiate with him for some times but failed. After the college entrance exam, we were admitted by different universities and lost contact.
I supposed to let it be. Unfortunately, I still need to face the problem. H will go to my home university to study for the rest two years to get his bachelor degree and we are in the same department. We may have many classes together. To avoid the embarrassment between I and H in the coming semester, I should solve the problem before I go back.
I have sent him an e-mail but got no reply. What should I do next to explain to him?
If you really want to make it work out, you should go all your means to do it :)
ReplyDeleteEmail him again? Call him? SMS him? Facebook him? LOLx.
Or… do you know any friends who are most likely his close friends? Maybe, they would be able to tell you exactly what he thought and how he is doing now.
Ahhh, Michael, now at this very moment. It suddenly came into my mind regarding whether my suggestions above will really work? Women and Men have very different communication style and the way we deal with conflict is also very different.
In John Gray’s book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus states that in general women use avoidance during conflict while men do not.
Any guys like to give Michael a suggestion? I would really want to see the difference :))
Hey Michael,
ReplyDeleteI know I'm not a guy, so I am giving a woman's opinion - but just a suggestion:
Maybe it is not so much the medium; but the content of your contact with H.
I am not sure if it will make things better, but you can try apologising. You may not see yourself entirely in the wrong, especially when you have been wronged, but I feel that sincere apologies work wonders.
I guess when one can "lower" themselves to be the one to say sorry first, the other party eases and is more willing to do the same.
Also, maybe you can get him something from over here? (As in something from Singapore!)It can show that you care to improve your relationship with him, and to resolve this conflict!
Cheers.
This is a very fine description of a most interesting scenario, Michael. Your story-telling is appropriately detailed while also being clear and concise. You set the stage for the drama well by explaining how, after the conflict, you and H now must meet again and the issue from the past must be resolved. At the same time, you set a clear task for the reader and you don not give away any resolution. You've also garnered relevant feedback.
ReplyDeleteWell done!
Hey Michael, I'm not entirely sure what happened between you and H. Anyway, what I know is that it is extremely hard to apologise to someone when you know that you are the person at fault. I'm not sure if H will ever come to his senses, but there's nothing wrong in making the first move, even if he doesn't appreciate it. I think the point is to never give up.
ReplyDelete